Emotionally, I’ve been in a bit of a fragile period as of late. I’ve been drowning out the background noise of self-doubt and insecurity with senseless tasks– watching YouTube videos, going to parties I have no interest in attending, taking night walks, microwaving countless half-emptied mugs of peppermint tea. Distraction is my M.O.
So last night I had the most amazing late-night talk with my roommate. And I realized that the reason why I’ve been moody and unhappy, despite being in an enriching environment with basically no other life problems, is because my avoidance behavior is slowly killing me. I am not being me. And I don’t mean that in the sense that I’m being fake. I’m just not doing things that express my core traits and values.
This afternoon I came upon this Cracked article by David Wong that articulated what I really needed to hear today (Warning: Contains NSFW language).
It’s basically the same message I got from my professor Brock Clarke last month:
Brock: “Have you been writing?”
Brock: “Why the hell not?”
It’s also the same message my mom has told me at least three times: “You need to do things that are in tune with yourself.” But as this is my first morning trying to be open and honest with myself, I think I’m finally reading Mom, Brock, and David Wong loud and clear. It’s not about me not being enough, it’s about me not doing enough. I’m a nice person– why aren’t I volunteering? I’m an artist– why aren’t I creating? I’m a writer– why aren’t I writing?